Wedding Etiquette for Bridesmaids

The Money

• Etiquette dictates that the bridesmaid is responsible only for her dress, shoes and hair and makeup. However, if the wedding is out of town, the bridesmaids are expected to pay their own travel expenses, which can get very costly. According to Brides.com the average expense for a bridesmaid is $1,000, although other experts estimate $300 on the low end. Anna Post writes that if you can't afford to spend some money, it's perfectly acceptable to decline.
  
  

The Bridal Shower

• The traditionalists, like Anna Post, say "It's a myth that the bridesmaids must throw a shower for the bride, though showers can be hosted by the bridal party." The "modern" experts, like TheKnot.com, say bridesmaids are expected to host the shower, with the maid or matron of honor taking the lead.
  
  A traditional bridesmaid will attend all of the showers and is expected to bring a gift to one. The modern bridesmaid will help in the planning and expenses. She will contribute to a group gift from all of the bridesmaids.
  
  

The Bachelorette Party

• Anyone can throw the bachelorette party for the bride. According to Theshowerdiva.com, it can be any close friend. Lifetips.com says that only those attending the wedding should be considered for the bachelorette party. Generally, the guests are among the bride's peers and usually don't include the bride's mother or grandmother. The bridesmaids are expected to attend the party if they aren't the hosts. Theshowerdiva.com says the bridesmaid and other guests, not including the bride, are to divide up the cost of the party.
  
  

Before the Big Day

• All of the wedding experts, be they traditional or non-traditional, agree that bridesmaids are to help the bride pick out her dress, pick their own dresses and shoes, address invitations and make party favors. The bride can delegate these tasks among her bridesmaids. The bridesmaids should offer help and make themselves available.
  
  

The Big Day

• The experts vary on what is expected on the wedding day, with some writing that the bridesmaids are to act practically as wedding coordinators and others saying they are to simply have fun. Bridesmaid101.com states that the bridesmaids are to attend to the bride, whether she needs food or friendship, plus act as party hosts, mingling among the guests before the wedding. Common sense dictates that this day is about the bride, so bridesmaids, while of course having fun at the wedding, are always to stay alert to the bride's needs.