What GLBT Teens Need to Know About Jealousy in Relationships

Are you a GLBT teen who has never felt jealous in a relationship? If so, you are in the minority. At some point or other almost everyone has experienced relationship jealousy, and that's okay. What isn't okay is dealing with your feelings irrationally or taking out your own insecurities on your partner.

Why Do Gay Teens Feel Jealous?

Though jealousy may be about a specific issue (eg: a partner's flirting), often it is about something underneath the surface that needs to be dealt with.

Some common causes of jealousy include self-esteem issues, baggage from a past relationship, or distrust of a partner.

If you are a GLBT teen, you might also feel jealous if your partner has a close friend of the same sex that you suspect he or she has feelings for. Complicating matters further, many activities (sports, sleepovers, summer camps) are segregated by sex. So your boyfriend or girlfriend my be spending a lot of time with people you fear could be potential romantic interests.

How Can You Fight Feeling Jealous?

The best protection against jealousy is self confidence and a healthy relationship. But even the most confident individuals may feel jealous at times. If you are a GLBT teen who is dealing with issues like coming out, homophobia, and identity, you might compare yourself to people who seem to have qualities and confidence that you lack, or who seem to be more secure in their sexual orientation. As a result, you might assume that these qualities are something that your partner is looking for and feel like you aren't living up to what you think he or she wants.

What to Do When Jealousy Happens Without a Clear Reason

Sometimes you have a real reason to be jealous. But often, there is just no obvious reason for feeling the way you do. Here are some tips for getting over the green-eyed monster when that monster doesn't have an identifiable enemy:

1. Take a reality check. Look at those things that trigger your jealousy and ask yourself how realistic the threat is.
2. Remind yourself of your good qualities and tell yourself that your partner cares about you, is committed to you, and respects you because you have a lot to offer.
3. Ask your partner for reassurance. Try not to put too much pressure on, but share your insecurities and ask your partner to help you overcome the problem.
4. Stay active. People who are involved in school, who have a wide social circle and who have outside interests are less likely to suffer from extreme jealousy than people's whose main focus in life is their romantic relationship.

What to Do When Jealousy Happens With a Clear Reason:

If your partner cheats on you, can't stop talking about how great an ex was, or spends all his or her free time with other people, you might have a concrete reason to feel jealous. Here are some ideas for coping with these types of circumstances:

1. Remind yourself that in this specific situation it is normal for you to feel jealous. It is not a sign of weakness.
2. Some partners deliberately play games to make you jealous and it is not your fault if you take the bait.
3. If a partner cheats or leaves you for another person, remember this is not a reflection on your worthiness.
4. Not all relationships are worth salvaging. If a partner is regularly making you feel jealous with cause, then you might be better suited with someone else, or single.

Jealousy is common, but it sure doesn't feel good. So learning to deal with jealousy both when it is justified and when it isn't is an important skill for GLBT teens