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We wanted to offer some basic tips on how to make this process less stressful.
And it is written from the perspective of telling someone who is close to you.
Keep in mind there is no right or wrong way to come out.
You should trust your own instincts at all times.
But that said, here's some tips that have been useful to a lot of people we've known: 1.
Meet them on their turf, where they feel comfortable.
Call and ask them if you could stop by for coffee, something casual, to visit.
You may want to avoid "emotionally loaded" times which are already stressful for everyone such as holiday gatherings, family reunions, etc.
And you may want to avoid telling them in a public place in case they want some privacy to consider what you've just told them.
2.
Don't be surprised if they already know or suspect.
A fair amount of time, we've known people to come out and to have their loved one say, "Duh!"Your coming out could be more of a relief to them than you imagine.
You've been under stress keeping a secret.
If they already know or strongly suspect, they've been under stress as well keepingyour secret.
3.
Beat others to the punch.
You may be too nervous to tell someone close to you for the longest time and tell others close to them who may accidentally let it slip.
Therefore, you lose the chance to tell you're loved one yourself.
This could damage your relationship if they feel you don't trust them.
They probably would've preferred to hear it from your directly.
4.
Give them a hug after you tell them and make a timely exit.
They may want some alone time to absorb what you told them (or maybe not, they could want to celebrate).
This is especially true if they had any fantasies about you being heterosexual and need some time and space to grieve this loss.
5.
Give them time.
It's normal(if this wasn't good news for them) for there to be denial, anger, blame and sadness for a period of time.
You make feel like it's the end of the world for your loved one.
But Adele Star, the founder of PFLAG, once told me that loved ones will more frequently than not come to acceptance after this time period.
More so than their gay loved one's predict.
6.
Be strategic about tough cases.
You may already know that when you tell your religiously intolerant, zealously conservative parents about you that they could take drastic action (i.
e.
turn on you like a rabid dog).
If they are involved in an extremely conservative church that talks about homosexuality as a sin and where you've seen (or suspect) drastic actions taken against others who've come out, you may want to reconsider your decision to tell them at all.
They could send you to emotionally damaging "reprogramming classes" or kick you out of the house until you renounce your gayness, both more devastating than not telling them for a few more years, at least until you can support yourself.
If you can't stand being in the closet, you need to ensure that you can take care of yourself before you tell them (i.
e.
learn a trade or skill in high demand).
Or convince them to send you to college in a more tolerant City (unbeknownst to them) and talk up the wonderful conservative community they have there.
Even the most liberal cities will have an outpost for intolerant nut jobs.
College can at least give you some breathing room to get an education, explore who you are andplan for a future which could include letting your parents know.
7.
If any part of this process feels like more than you can bare, we recommend that you hook up with a PFLAG chapter near you or call the Trevor Project hotline (1-866-488-7386) if you feel unable to cope anymore.
8.
It WILL be alright.
This is the biggest thing to remember.
That no matter what, you deserve to have people in your life who love you and accept you exactly as you are.
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