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Dear Mona Lisa,
I recently met a guy online this past June. We chatted often, exchanged many pictures, and even agreed to run background checks on each other for our own comfort. Now, after 5 months, we've told each other that we love each other! We haven't met in person yet, but he's flying me down to see him for a few weeks in December. Since this will be our first sexual experience together, and with me being a virgin, I'm a little concerned!
I love him to no end, and know already I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He says he's been tested for any STD's including HIV and is clean. He also told me he'd like to try sex without a condom, since he's clean and I am too. Anyways, is this something I should do? Should I carefully ask to see test results? Or should I request that a condom be used? Please help!!
Thanks, Tommy
Dear Tommy,
I need a bed.
Yes, when I moved back to New York I realized that I needed an entirely new slumber set. In my frustration negotiating prices and haggling over crazy delivery charges, I decided to buy one online. I spent countless hours searching until I found the perfect match. But just as I was ready to punch the "buy" button a friend of mine called. He immediately intervened when I told him about the new commitment I was about to make. He reminded me of a recent incident when he fell in love with the perfect set of chairs online only to find out they were garbage even Kmart would be ashamed to buy. He suggested I go lay on my mattress and see if I really liked it before shelling out my life savings.
I'm not suggesting you go lay with you new cyber-beau on the first run to test him out, but I do recommend you get to know him as a person before you put your life in his hands. Sure he says he's "clean" but my friend's furniture store also said his chairs were premium. HIV is nothing to play with. Condoms are a must!
Take control of your own health and safety.
I'm always weary of anyone that asks not to use a condom on the first run (or the second, or third, or...). If he's asked you, chances are he's asked others- and, trust me- there were probably many guys who said yes. A ton of guys have also fallen into the "but he loves me" trap only to end up alone taking a cocktail of meds. Why not suggest you both get tested together before having sex? You'll know if he's genuine by his response. And even after the results come back, suggest you use condoms for at least another 6 weeks (remember, a test today doesn't cover 3 to 6 weeks of exposure).
One last note at the risk of sounding like gay mom... Are you sure you want to go meet this guy on his turf after knowing him for only a short time? I'm not negating your feelings for him, but I've been in love with many guys I've only known for five months. Now that I've aged a bit, I couldn't even tell you their names.
Think of your safety. Why not meet in a neutral location? Your new guy may have the best intentions, but once again take your safety and welfare into your own hands. Just recently there was a gay kid here in New York City attacked and killed by guys who lured him online. I don't want you to be the next person I read about. If you do decide to travel, make sure you leave a trail and follow these safe online dating tips. Love is more than a word; it's most sincerely displayed through actions. You owe him nothing just because he bought you a ticket. Wrap it up! You're worth more than a cyber saver fare. And just like my mattress, once HIV is delivered, you can't get your money back.
Yours in love,
Mona
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