Dating Coach.........do You Need One To Get One?

If youve seen the film Hitch with Will Smith and Eva Mendez youll know about the concept of date doctors. Smith as Hitch provides the advice and the techniques to assist guys in their plight to get in his case ethical dates (a date with a woman you want to keep for more than one date). The idea of needing a coach to get a date (and turn it into many more) seems particularly American, but the service is growing in popularity here. At one end of the scale youve experts such as Jo Hemmings, The UKs, number one dating and relationships coach. Hemmings - a behavioural psychologist has appeared as the interpreter of male and female flirtation on numerous TV shows including Big Brother and can be booked to offer advice, one-to-one and in groups. And at the other youve self-appointed experts who use various skills and approaches to boost your dating confidence. You do need to shop around if you want dating coach help and in making your choice referrals are crucial. As such Jasmia Robinson had come highly recommended. Like Hemmngs shes high-profile works with high end clients (both male and female) and - as became apparent on meeting her, also stunningly beautiful - as befits a third placer in Britains Next Top Model (2007).
But her beauty and youth belied her experience in the dating game. Robinson as part of her dating coach education had been on 100 dates in the name of research with men aged from 20 to 50. In doing this she gained a crucial appreciation of how we tick, so that she could best assist us horseless, dating cowboys and get us back in the saddle. Robinson through Catchmecupid.co.uk also runs exclusive events for singletons at venues, such as Anaya in Mayfair. These involve dating workshops, speed dating and an after party. Weekend events are also offered where with the help of other date coaches a group of men are first educated and then encouraged to go into dating action, with their coaches literally hiding around the corner and making evaluations!
Initially I sat with Robinson in a London coffee shop thinking that this twenty-something surely cant advise a man of more advanced years on the art of dating (oh, and has she been divorced?). What does she know? And if she advises on the latest ways to link with a girl, Id be making excuses to leave and then rapidly transferring the rest of the session to my teenage son. Its funny though as in the space of the next few hours I somewhat reverted to the demeanour of an adolescent male. I became very uncertain and felt that I lacked the skills to talk to women without prodding them, shouting at them or acting like a complete fool.
The dating confidence session started with a discussion about my past and present forays into the world of dating and relationships. As my chat up experience could neatly be summed up as more Ronnie Corbett in the TV show Sorry, as opposed to the perma-tanned Ronnie playing beautifully on and off the field for Real Madrid, I was fully aware that I needed professional help. And despite feeling a little sceptical professional help is actually what I got. In fact my two-hour session could actually turn out to be one of the most pivotal moments of my life. And Id venture to guess so too for many other men who delve into the world of the dating coach - the benefits go far beyond the pursuit of women. In short its a great confidence builder.
.this was 11a.m in a coffee shop on a Thursday in Soho and I was being put to the test, it was D day (Dating day).
Go on, go over to that woman reading at the table, sit down, introduce yourself and get her name and number, my heart leapt into my mouth and I began to look around for an immediate escape route. It was not as though the woman I was being asked to talk to was un-attractive, but this was 11a.m in a coffee shop on a Thursday in Soho and I was being put to the test, it was D day (Dating day). So go on then were not leaving until you go over and talk to her, prodded Robinson. Now when you go over to her you need to sit down and join her at her level. Youre a tall guy and you dont want to threaten oh and smile! Smile, my jaws were clenched to hold back nervous chattering. After a bit of a stand-off I eventually got up and talked to err, the barista, yes, she was a she and no I didnt come back with another latte. Although I didnt exactly achieve the goal, I did come back with an increased level of confidence. Id passed go and had engaged in a conversation that did not result in my loyalty card being stamped. Well done, that was a start, now were going to go for a walk, said Robinson, no doubt thinking that she was going to have to work very hard for her fee today. My next target was a woman texting outside a shop in Greek Street. I had to introduce myself and engage in conversation and get her number. I again failed in terms of the ultimate goal, but I did make the opener, as Robinson called the moment of contact and I didnt just get a reply that involved flailing arms and a rushed, Its that way. I had concocted a story (ok chat up line) about looking for a bookshop and I engaged in a conversation that did actual go somewhere beyond the mere asking for directions. I needed more confidence to make the closer (get the number).
The remaining time in my date coaching session progressed with more of these real world role-plays, with each one I developed greater levels of confidence as I progressed further and further away from my comfort zone (note Robinson thankfully did not offer up the mother of all dating challenges to chat to a woman in a group of men as my referring friend from Rescoresults had had to). All the while I was being briefed on tactics. For example when trying to make an opener, mirror the girls movements, this will draw her into to you. Short of a chat up line, dont go for cheese, if shes at a bar, simply ask her what shes drinking and what she recommends. Youre aiming to build a mature conversation thats comfortable for you and her and a few moments to get a feel of how you can take things. I was also told that a literal make or date moment was the paying of a compliment (as I was to discover very encouragingly later), her bag, her dress, her shoes are all there for approbation. Youre showing an interest and your conversation should all be building up to the moment when you introduce a little flirtation and some tasteful humour, explained Robinson. Touching, I was even advised on how to do that, Three fingers is fine, on the forearm or shoulders, for example, at the appropriate moment, but dont over do it, you dont want her screaming the place down.
My session became much less of a test of nerves as the buzz of challenging myself and putting myself into situations I would not normally feel comfortable with accumulated. At its conclusion, Robinson set me some homework. Among my tasks was to chat to a woman some time during the rest of the day and get a date. I felt confident and a much better understanding of the rules of the dating game had energised me. Feelings of I cant do it were banished with feelings of I can. And so into the evening I chatted to a very attractive woman who was wearing great shoes (!) I got her number and the date is being planned if only Robinson was there........
JS