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How you choose to handle your broken heart at this time is crucial.
You see, any hurt you fail to heal stays with you as an unresolved issue.
For this reason, the consequences of not learning how to get over a broken heart are quite high.
Any unresolved hurt exists as a toxic third party in your life.
Your efforts to run from it, medicate it, and suppress it are futile.
You can't avoid something you carry inside you.
The only way to get over a broken heart is to willingly face it and choose healing.
Failing to do so causes your pain to linger.
Here's a personal story to illustrate what I mean.
I was in an emotional abusive relationship through college.
In retrospect, I realize its no irony that his lousy treatment is a mirror-like reflection of my own lousy self esteem.
We were a perfectly self-destructive fit because of our mutual self-esteem issues.
I was an insecure girl who had been bullied throughout my childhood.
I had a strong sense of self loathing and a deep need to seek approval and acceptance in others.
He was also highly insecure, but enacted a different remedy and patterned himself after his parents.
He built himself up by beating me down.
I took his emotional beatings in an effort to retain his acceptance.
- MY EX'S STORY AND THE CONSEQUENCES OF NOT LEARNING HOW TO GET OVER A BROKEN HEART: As I see it now my ex's actions were feelings of shame and low self-esteem.
Having endured a childhood of abuse he carried with him a lifetime of hurt.
This hurt presented itself in several ways - and most painfully in our relationship.
He feared being out of control, and my love under his terms as the answer.
His fear of losing me caused him to act out in emotionally volatile ways.
I was his powerful self esteem boost.
Having someone to control, put down, and wield complete power over was his way of compensating for an underlying inadequacy.
It enabled him to avoid learning how to get over a broken heart.
Sadly his remedy to mask any unresolved hurt only perpetuated it. - MY STORY AND THE CONSEQUENCES (I PAID) FOR NOT LEARNING HOW TO GET OVER A BROKEN HEART: I was also very insecure.
I carried with me a lifetime of pain from childhood bullying.
Every time someone picked on me, I took it to heart.
Their taunts became the basis of my self esteem.
As a result, I entered college with an intense need to seek approval.
I sought out him as the answer to my prayers.
If he was there that meant I was good enough.
I put up with everything he did and perpetuated the ongoing cycle of emotional abuse simply for the desire to be deemed worthwhile in his eyes.
I used his love as a replacement of what I was unable to give myself. - OUR STORY & THE CONSEQUENCES OF NOT LEARNING HOW TO GET OVER A BROKEN HEART: We each brought with us unresolved pain from our childhood.
I wanted him to make me feel good enough.
He gave me just enough hope of being accepted.
This enabled me to perpetuate a great lie that others opinions of me mattered more than my own.
I in turn gave him the necessary self esteem boost that enabled him to avoid healing.
I enabled him to perpetuate the assumption that one way to bring yourself up is to beat another down.
I provided him an opportunity to perpetuate a familial cycle of abuse in our relationship.
We enabled one another to avoid dealing with unresolved hurt.
- Failing to heal your hurt causes you take it with you as an unresolved issue into the next relationship.
- No matter what you do to suppress, medicate, and avoid your pain all you'll do is perpetuate it.
You can't run from something you carry within you.
The only way to move beyond it is to choose healing. - Your relationships will be affected by this unresolved pain as a toxic third party.
There will be a self-destructive interplay between your unresolved issues and your partners.
All you'll do is perpetuate an ongoing cycle of pain and hurt in the relationship.
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