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They are there to support you.
You are there to engage them.
It's a mutually beneficial environment.
You give them a message that's emanating from your soul.
They receive your message and respond to you accordingly.
Magic happens when both parties reach a level of trust, transparency and intimacy that allows minds and hearts to move forward.
Then there are those speakers who have not, and probably will never be able to create that magic.
Their mission is to give a speech.
They are not there for the audience.
Instead they are there for self-glory, self-aggrandizement and constantly needing an audience to feed their appetite for love and attention.
They rehearse and perform techniques that would make a used car salesman gloat.
Let's look at three of these techniques that I deem violations because of their manipulative nature.
Once you spot these, you can decide not be drawn in.
1) "Say hello to your neighbor...
" That's what I heard from the pulpit each Sunday morning.
I'd mix and mingle with my pew neighbors because that's what was expected.
Looking back at this: I felt like a manipulated sap because that's not what I wanted to do and that's not the reason why I showed up.
I didn't want to shake hands to show I'm friendly or to prove we're a friendly church.
People can and do make their own judgments.
Giving someone a staged greeting isn't going to change his or her mind.
Besides I never could remember the names of the people I greeted.
I'd sit there asking myself, "What was that guy's name?" Then I'd try to cover-up and play down the fact that I couldn't recall his name.
I felt like such a fake.
It's just as bad when a speaker asks you to turn to a stranger and declare, "You're a winner.
" It's inauthentic, insincere and manipulative.
I believe the speaker who does this is rather clueless to the fact that these techniques are nothing more than time fillers and adds very little value and meaning to the message.
2) Crying on cue...
This has got to be one of the worst speaking violations on record.
Shame on the speaker who does this.
Toying with people's emotions is unacceptable.
It was Palm Sunday over ten years ago.
The minister delivered a message in which he cried mid-sermon.
It was the first time I'd seen him weep in public so I naturally questioned his authenticity.
It just didn't seem believable.
On Easter Sunday he gave the same sermon to a much larger faith community.
I waited anxiously to see if he'd cry at the same spot.
He was right on cue as if reading his lines from a script.
My suspicion was answered.
He's become an actor.
What a heel...
I wasn't angry because coming from this minister-it didn't shock me.
But this one act brings all his motives into question.
Even his character is in question.
3) The emotional tearjerker...
I enjoy a good sentimental story now and then.
I think everyone does.
But it has to lead somewhere.
You wouldn't want to leave your audience dwelling in sympathy for too long.
Some won't be able to control their tears.
Others will think you're brave for baring you soul.
Still others will despise you because you have the power to tug at heartstrings.
But for others, their B.
S.
Detector flies off the scale...
At one event the speaker spoke about visiting his sick mother in the hospital.
During his close he asked the audience to select and wear a miniature white or red rose.
The white signifying your mother was alive-the red meaning she was not.
I didn't buy it.
His entire speech had a dark, soap opera-type disposition.
He brought us to a place of sadness and left us there.
There was nothing positive for us to come away with except having sympathy for a speaker whose mom had passed away.
I know you're not the type of speaker who would ever jerk people around...
If you want to create the magic that moves people to a higher plane-avoid these three speaking violations.
You have a genuine message that's coming from your soul to many souls.
That's what your audience will value, appreciate and remember.
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