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1. Accept the break up
2. Cut off contact with your ex
Step 2 is often called the "No Contact" rule and contrary to popular belief, the timeframe for using it is not set in stone. Many ex back advice blogs and articles state that "no contact" should be maintained for a period of 30-days.
Why 30 days? Well, why not? People like working to rules, regulations and timeframes. The main point is that this period gives you enough time to get back in control.
I don't know about you, but my emotions do not wear a wristwatch or carry a timer! It may take you 20 days, 30 or even 50. We are all individual.
Which leads us to the question, how does the no contact rule work?
Not contacting your ex serves two main purposes.
1. You need to calm down and get back in control of your emotions.
Your emotions are flying all over the place. You feel hurt, angry, devastated, bitter, upset and more. These very primal emotions can lead you to do and say things that you may regret later and that will drive your ex further away. You are not thinking rationally.
Some common mistakes are constant text messages, calls, social network stalking, trying to invoke feelings of guilt and many more. If you are making some or even all of these mistakes now, just stop. You still have a chance to turn things around.
2. Your ex needs time and space to miss you.
They cannot miss you if you are in their face every minute of the day.
Of course, there may be times when you have to contact your ex. Perhaps you work together, have financial ties or children. In these cases keep all conversations civil and on topic. Try not to be dragged into discussions about your relationship and old arguments.
So, now you know the basic technique of the no contact rule, you need to know how to apply it for best effect.
First, your ex needs to know that you will not be contacting them. Yes, it will become obvious to them that you have severed ties eventually. But, to flick that switch in their brain and put them on the back foot wondering what on earth you are up to, actually tell your ex you are breaking off all contact.
This is best done in a simple letter, no more than a few lines. There is no need to write essays. An example...
Dear Ex,
I agree with the decision to end our relationship, it is likely best for both of us. I have some big decisions of my own to make now. I would appreciate it if you did not contact me during this time. I'll get back in touch when I have thought things through.
Now here comes the crunch. If you expect to not contact your ex and lock yourself in a room for the duration, then the no contact rule will fail for you.
During this period of no contact, you should be working on yourself. Sound familiar? The ex back advice guides say this because it works. You should be getting back in control of your rampant emotions, going out and socialising, doing some self-improvement and studying what went wrong in the relationship.
Most of all, you should be formulating a plan of action to get your ex back.
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