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A Dad"s Report Card

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A couple of weeks ago, I recorded a podcast with Michael Stelzner with the My Kids Adventures podcast and talked about work life balance.  Michael posed an interesting question to me - “How do you find out how well you are doing as a dad?”  Part of my response involved some thoughts about how to effectively solicit feedback from our kids and we talked about the idea of preparing a “report card” that our kids could fill out about us as dads.

Having given this a lot of thought since then, I tried to come up with an effective report card format that any dad might be able to follow, along with some explanations that might help us form the basis of a conversation about how well our kids see us doing as a dad.

Letter Grade Section


Please give me a letter grade (A to F, including pluses and minuses) on the following:

Overall performance as a dad. This is a nice way to start the report card and let’s you “cut to the chase” about your success, at least in your child’s eyes.  The first blush response (before thinking about the other questions) will be instructive!

How well do I do at showing love?  When dads get distracted, often loving behavior gets pushed behind corrective behavior.  Trying to measure how well we show love is a good indicator if we are in balance in this area.

How well do I do at making time just for you?  This is a little more specific than just “family time” and tries to get at the level of focused attention you are offering to the child.

 

How fair am I in correcting behavior?  Fairness, while not always possible, is a big thing for children.  They feel out of control when we are arbitrary or don’t listen well, and if they feel unfairly dealt with, it can really hurt trust levels between them and us.  

How well do your mother and I work together as parents?  This is a fairly revealing question, but is essential in finding out how your child perceives the relationship and parental consistency.

How well do I listen when you have something to talk with me about?  While this is similar to the “making time” question, it is a little more specific.  Listening is a critical skill for dads, and when we can listen with focused attention and without distraction, we make big deposits in our kids’ emotional bank accounts.  When we are only half there with our kids, they feel betrayed and under valued.

How am I doing as far as bringing fun into the family?  Father-child relationships are often determined by how the child associates us with fun and pleasant experiences.  A low grade here would suggest a need to lighten up and to be a bit less serious.  I think we all hope that our children will remember the good more than the bad in our relationships, and a “fun grade” is a good way to measure how well we are doing.

Areas for Improvement


For the following areas, please mark whether my work as a father is going well or whether I have room for improvement.

Cooking (doing well or needs improvement).  The answer here will lead to a good conversation about how often you cook, what you make and whether your son or daughter appreciates your efforts.  You can even ask the children what they wish you would do differently.

Playing with me (doing well or needs improvement).  Play is a big part of how dads and kids interact and how children learn to interact with others.  A needs improvement answer could lead to a discussion about how to spend more quality time with your child.

Helping with homework (doing well or needs improvement).  Sometimes, our kids can get overwhelmed with school work, and our help is appreciated.  We will probably also learn a little about whether our homework help is effective, and whether we are just doing the work for them or if we are really helping them learn to do it on their own.

Open Ended Questions


What are three things I could do to be a better dad?  The answers to this question should help you see what your child thinks are the most important change you could make.  Keep in mind that the answers are from his or her perspective and there may be good reasons why you don’t want to do them (“Let me play video games all day long”0.

What is your favorite activity to do with me?  This one will give you some interesting insight into what makes your child tick and when they like most to be with you.  Then try to do more activities like this one.

The idea of a report card is not only to take a quick measurement of how well you are doing as a father, but also to stimulate some conversation that can help you strengthen your relationship.  You can customize these questions - adding, deleting or changing - to what works best for your child and you.  But the concept is a valid one and an idea that can generate a good discussion, some fun memories and improve your father-child relationship.  So give it a try and let us know how it works for you! 
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