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Mormons Take Marriage Seriously!
Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS/Mormon) do not just marry someone for the duration of their earthly life. They marry someone for eternity and eternity is obviously a long time.
Marriages for eternity take place in LDS temples. They are conducted by a priesthood holder who has the power and authority to seal people for eternity. These marriages do not end with death.
How Eternal Marriage Affects Dating Decision Criteria
Naturally, seeking an eternal spouse affects dating criteria in this life. Eternal criteria include traits such as being temple-worthy, honoring the priesthood, wanting a family, valuing family ties and committed to living all the commandments.
Naturally, earthly criteria is important as well. One's future spouse should have a strong testimony, study the scriptures daily and be conscientious in one's callings in the Church. Future spouses should also be committed to living providently.
Mormons use the term provident living to mean living within one's means, using resources prudently, stocking food and fuel reserves, planning for emergencies and catastrophes, etc.
Here on LDS.About.com, I call it sustainable living; which I hope will be understandable to Mormons and others alike.
Below is a story from my husband's youth that illustrates the difficulty in accessing earthly criteria.
Why My Husband Started Dating
When my husband Greg turned 16, he obtained his drivers license.
However, he continued to associate primarily with his male friends. His father and stepmother were concerned that he had no interest in dating.
So, his father confronted him. Greg explained that even though he could drive, he had no access to a car. Like most families of this era, there was only one family car. Buying gasoline and paying for dates was expensive, he argued. His part time job did not produce much spending money.
Seeking to remove any dating barriers, his father and stepmother offered him the car any night he wanted. What is more, they offered to pay for gasoline and the cost of the date.
This system lasted exactly one week. After seven evenings of nightly dates with a different girl each night, Greg's father confronted him again. He told him there was obviously nothing wrong with him. In the future, he could have the car one night per week and he would have to pay for the gasoline and his own dates.
This is how and why my husband started dating and why he saw the movie Diamond Head on four consecutive nights with four different girls.
On the third or fourth movie viewing, his date for the evening asked him what he thought would happen in the film. Drawing on his comprehensive knowledge of the film's story line, he told her. She asked him how he knew. He told her he had already seen the movie. She retorted that the film had only opened that week. He assured her he had seen it before. She demanded, "With WHOM?" With no embarrassment or hesitation, he related the list.
The rest of the evening did not go well...
The Marvelous Trait His Dates Probably Missed
This story illustrates how you can glean useful information from dating experiences. Greg was a bargain shopper then and he continues to be one now, a trait I am grateful for. He knows a good deal when he sees it. However, it is unlikely any of the girls he dated during that busy week actually identified this trait, or appreciated it.
It is likely that all of the other girls would be as miffed as the girl in question to find out she had not been the exclusive object of his dating activity. By reacting emotionally, they would miss the bigger picture. When he had to pay for his own dates, Greg was more selective about who he asked out and what they did.
Emotion must be tempered with reason. Elaborate and expensive dating activities suggest people are not living providently. We have been commanded to live providently. Naturally, Satan is interested in countering this notion with his seemingly more desirable opposite.
What Does Provident Dating Look Like?
Someone committed to living providently will probably practice provident dating as well. So, what does provident dating entail? I would suggest the following:
- Having a lot of inexpensive dates, rather than a few elaborate and expensive dates.
- Dates that focus on getting to know someone.
- Dates that allow you to assess someone's true character over a significant time frame.
- Dates that allow you to assess your date's strength and commitment to the gospel.
- Spending enough time with a person to accurately judge compatibility with you.
With eternity at stake, dating should be serious business. If you have ideas or stories that illustrate provident dating, post them somewhere online and use the following hashtag: #ProvidentDating
For more stories, visit the Expert's Excerpts series.
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