How Children Use Punishment to Get What They Want

Your child most likely uses punishment to provoke you into feeling anger and regret.
By using this tactic, children are able to even the score for a perceived injustice.
Most of the times, this works so well, and parents will give in the next time the topic comes up.
While punishment may differ from child to child, the desired result is always the same, to push your "emotional hot buttons".
They may tell you they're going to run away, or they may do something that hurts you.
The more upset you become, the more they win.
Children usually adopt their techniques using trial and error, so if your son or daughter knows how to hurt you, they will use that tactic whenever they need it.
The one thing that surprises most parents is the extremes that children will go to hurt their parents.
This isn't because they are evil or intentionally want to hurt you.
Children want instant gratification, and when they cannot get it, they want to get even.
Hurting you is just a way to get even, not so much the actually act of hurting you.
So what can you as a parent do to confront this behavior tactic? The first step in reacting to punishment from your child is to remain calm and poised.
That means never getting emotionally engaged in the situation.
Of course many parents find this the hardest step.
But just remember, if you do become angry or emotional, your child has won.
And what's worse if he or she has found a tool that they can use when they want to get even, which means they'll most likely use it again.
The second part is letting them know that their behavior is unacceptable.
This must be done is a calm and collected way.
Remember if you get emotionally invested, even in the slightest, your child will feel as though they won.
Say to them something like, "I understand you feel upset right now, but this kind of behavior is unacceptable".
Most likely your child will continue to test you, especially for the first couple times.
Just remember, never say anything that takes about your feelings.
State the facts, simply and plainly, and move on.
If there requires a punishment on your end, do so without getting angry.
Your child's behavior is important for both their happiness and yours.
If you are having trouble getting through to your children, there are many parenting books that work off the root causes of child misbehavior to get real results.