Can He Still Be My Soulmate If He Cheated Or Had An Affair?

I recently heard from a young woman who had only been married for a short time. She had just found out that her husband had cheated on her. He swore he was sorry, promised he'd do counseling or whatever she needed, and was full of reassurances and pleas that she not leave or divorce him. She wanted to believe what he was saying, but she was so unbelievably hurt by his actions. Never in her wildest dreams did she ever imagine that they would be dealing with this issue in their marriage (and so early in their marriage at that.)

Deep in her heart, the wife did not want to walk away from her husband. She loved him deeply and felt that he was her soul mate. Still, there was a little voice in the back of her head that kept insisting that her soul mate would not betray her in that way. She said, in part: "I know that he's 'the one,' but my friends say that if he was in fact 'the one,' he would not have cheated. Is there any way for us to get over this because I don't want to let him go, but I'm worried that things will never be the same again."

I felt so deeply for this wife. This should have been the best time of her marriage and here she was dealing with infidelity so early in the game. And she had every one under the sun telling her that she was wrong and crazy to want to stay with him.

But, at the end of the day, it wasn't this woman's friends or family's marriage. It was her marriage. It was her decision. There's no doubt in my mind that every one was trying to help, but sometimes the best way to help is to just lend a sympathetic ear without preaching or giving your own opinions.

Can A Man Who Cheats Still Be 'The One' Or A Soul Mate?: This is the question that the wife was most interested in so I'll attempt to answer it. In my opinion and experience, one bad decision does not negate the other qualities a man has, your history, or the chemistry between you.

With that said though, the husband obviously had some serious work and rehabilitation ahead of him. This had undoubtedly dealt a serious blow to the marriage. However, this isn't always a situation that can't be overcome. It often requires some help and some hard work to uncover what lead to this and to remove any vulnerabilities, but it's certainly possible.

The last thing that the wife probably wanted to do was to do nothing and just hope that love and the fact that they were "soul mates" would be enough to pull them through. Approaching it this way might well have lead to a lot of doubt, resentment, and fear, which might set the marriage up for issues later on.

However, just dismissing a man immediately because of one mistake is not the right call for every woman. It's easy for friends and family to stand back and tell you that he can't be the one because he cheated, but they aren't the person who is in this position. It's really not their choice.

Sure, the wife valued others' opinion and support. She was confused at how someone who she loved so much (and who claimed to love her) could do this. But sometimes judgmental support can hurt you rather than help you. At the end of the day, determining if her husband was still her soul mate was going to be up to this wife. In my opinion, he could still be the one, but if this couple didn't do a bit of work to pick up the pieces, this status might eventually change in the future. However, with some work and effort, many marriages in this situation recover.

There was a time when I thought I would never get over my husband's affair, but this is in the past. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com