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The divorce had been final two years ago--but she was still regularly going to family court because she and her ex husband could not come to any final agreements about their children.
Her ex was very much still bitter about the divorce and was trying to do everything in his power to drag the custody situation out--because he had a lot more money and could afford to pay his lawyers for all the time.
My friend and I would talk about the recent events in the courtroom and the newest stipulations that were applied to the agreement.
Once we started talking about how going to child custody court was affecting her children and how she was helping them cope.
A lot of parents worry about their kids as they go through a divorce--and they want to handle the divorce and the subsequent child custody issues in a way that is positive for their children.
This can be tricky when the parents are not getting along and have to go to custody court.
Here are three tips for helping your children get through child custody court when you and your ex are in a custody battle.
1.
Explain why you're going to court.
But, explain it in the right way.
My friend had a great example of a good way to explain what is going on to your children.
She simply told her children that mommy and daddy were having a difficult time agreeing on what was best for the kids--so they were having some other people help them figure it out.
The judge and the lawyers were going to help them figure out the best arrangement.
I was impressed with my friend for her honesty with her children--and also for explaining the situation in such positive terms.
She didn't blame her ex husband or act bitter in front of the kids.
But, she didn't pretend like nothing was going on.
You need to share information with your children--in a way that lets them feel comfortable and calm about the situation.
Use your words carefully so that your children know what's going on.
2.
Prepare the child.
Your child may need to testify in family court, or the judge may wish to speak to your child in private.
Explain carefully to your child what will happen so he/she isn't scared and knows what is going to happen.
You can simply explain that the judge wants to ask the child some questions so the judge can understand the situation better.
Don't coach your child into telling answers that are against your ex--judges will see through that and it makes you look bad.
Encourage the child to be honest and to answer the questions how they really feel.
Don't put pressure on your child to say the things you want them to say.
Allow the child to freely express how he/she feels to the court and to the judge.
3.
Remember the best interest of your child.
The court is looking to come up with a custody agreement that is in the best interest of the child.
You, as the child's parent, want this as well.
It is important for you to remember this fact because things can get messy and emotional in family court.
My friend did a really good job of this.
When I asked her how she handled all of the stress that came with the custody battle, she told me that when it is really hard she remembers the reason she is doing it--and she always tries to keep her kids best interest in the forefront of her mind.
If you really are seeking out the best interest of the child--and if you are doing it without bitterness and resentment--the judge and the court will see that and respect it.
Your children will also notice and it will give them peace of mind.
Your parenting can really help your child handle custody court.
If you calmly and simply explain the purpose of the court, prepare your child for any role they will play, and always keep your child's best interest at the top of your priorities, you and your child will then be able to enjoy a stable custody agreement together.
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