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An Ideal marriage has: 1.Harmony
2.Love
3.One Mind
But the reality is that most marriages have:
1.Disharmony
2.Conflict
3.Disappointment
People say: " I feel cheated "
" I started with an ideal and in a few months or years it turned into an ordeal. Then I began to wish or look for a new deal."
What happened? Good marriages don't just happen. Good marriages take:
1.Energy
2.Effort
The "good news" is that you don't have to change your life completely in order to make your marriage better.
Actually: "Minor changes will bring major changes "
What does it take to have a good marriage?
1.It takes...Communication.
The average couple today spends 4 minutes a day in
meaningful conversation,a total of 23 minutes a week!
But,people spend 46 hours watching television each week.
Without learning to communicate and making time to listen to each other,there will not be any progress in the relationship.
Added to that,we know that men and women communicate
differently.
So many people assume that their mate thinks as they do....They don't!!!
Think of what you think....then consider the opposite.
Your mate's language, needs, desires are different.
Never say: " You shouldn't feel that way! When you do, you
devalue your mate's feelings.
When you devalue their feelings, they will immediately shut
down and any open lines of communication will shut down as
well.
2. It takes... Consideration.
But How?
Start by paying close attention to what your mate says when
they are talking to you.
Became aware and regularly ask things like:
How do you feel? May I help you? I would love doing that for you! Bring the groceries in for her. Wait until both of her legs are in the car before you take off!!! Find out in how many ways you could make his/her life easier.
There are 5 known Stages in Marriage?
First Year: "Baby darling, I am worried about that sniffle
you have and I've called the Doctor to see you
immediately. After that I want you to take a
week off and rest here at home and I will be
setting up your favorite restaurant to deliver
your favorite food and whatever you want for
the whole week!"
Second Year: " Sweet heart, I don't like the sound of that
cough and I have arranged for Dr. Johnson to
see you tomorrow and right now let me tuck in
bed."
Third Year: " You look like you have a fever. Why don't you
drive yourself to the pharmacy and get some
medicine. I'll watch the kids."
Fourth Year: " Look, be sensible, after you feed and bathe
the kids and wash the dishes you ought to go
to bed."
Fifth Year: " For Pete's sake, do you have to cough that
loud? I can't even hear the TV. Would you mind
going to the other room while this show is on?
You sound like a barking dog."
"In the first year my wife used to bring me my slippers and the dog came barking. Now the dog brings me my slippers and my wife barks."
Evaluate yourself
Am I considerate only when I am in a good mood?
Do I readily help my mate when she or he asks?
Do I look for creative ways to lighten his or her load?
3. It takes... Compromise.
The wedding day..." First you walk down the isle, then
you come to the altar,then you hear the hymn, and now
it's time to alter him"
The minister asks: Will you? One says, " I do"...while
the other is thinking: " I'll re-do"
Every marriage has problems.
No matter who you are, you will disagree.
When two people agree in everything, one
of them is not necessary.
The greater the differences, the more
potential is there to grow.
Your mate is the greatest tool you have
available to become more mature.
You have to learn to compromise!
Here is a list of examples:
1. What about vacations? Go to 30 places in 10 days? Or
stay in one place?
2. One wants to plan everything in advance and the other
wants to get in the car and leave.
3. How are you going to raise the kids?
4. How are you going to spend money?
Some of you are morning people.
Some of you are night people.
What about sex? One is saying: Drop everything!
While the other says: Drop dead!
More marriages die because of inflexibility and an
unwillingness to change than they do for alcoholism, abuse,
infidelity.
What is the big problem?
Your unwillingness to change!
Evaluate yourself
I am stubborn and unwilling to compromise.
We don't talk about the issues on which we disagree.
We stay with the issue until we compromise.
Both of us go the second mile.
4. It takes... Courtship
A satisfying marriage has: Romance
Physical affection
Fun
Playfulness
They enjoy each other
" If there was more courting in marriage, there would be fewer
marriages in court."
The Problem:The things you did at the beginning of your courtship, you stopped doing.
Now you see each other at the worst part of the day when energies have been used.
Don't just share the chores but share the joys and the things you have in common.
You say: " We have nothing in common!" Well, then I ask you: What do you think attracted you
to her in the first place?
Someone said: " Opposites attack and then opposites attack."
Evaluate yourself
1. Is courtship non-existent?
2. Do you still write love notes?
3. Do we schedule a date regularly?
5. It takes...Confrontation
Question: Do you openly bring up your mate's liabilities privately or publicly?
Please do it only privately!!!
Kindly, if necessary, point out things in your mate that need to change to make the relationship better.
" As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend."
" An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips."
6. It takes...Commitment
Your marriage is what you make it to be!
Remember that you married someone who was willing to put up with you!
Your # 1 enemy is your selfishness, so, do you do what is best for you or what's best for your mate?
Your answer will tell you what king of a commitment you have.
The secret for your marriage is how much are you willing to sacrifice your rights and serve your mate.
Where is the grass greener?... where you water it!
Most marriages get stuck in:
Comparing and complaining - and all the energies are used doing so.
" Your commitment is shown by how willing you are to be unhappy until you both work it out"
Here is a Success Tip: " How do you get to change your mate?...by changing yourself."
Evaluate yourself
Are you toying with divorce?
Are you using divorce as a threat?
Is divorce not an option for you?
7. It takes... God
Morning prayer:
" Help me to have, 1. Uncompromising love
2. Unconditional acceptance
3. Total fidelity
4. Ceaseless devotion
5. Untiring service
6. Unending sacrifice
God gives us not what we deserve but what we need.
When you know you have been loved like that, you will want to love your mate in the same way
Ask yourself:
What does she/he need from me? not what you think they need but what do
they really need?
If you have the courage to answer that question... then you will grow a marriage with:
1. Good communication.
2. Alert consideration.
3. Willing compromise.
4. Creative courtship.
5. Humble confrontation.
6. Unwavering commitment.
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